It’s Time for a Bullet Post • Jokes, Rapid-Fire

I was going to write an amusing intro to this post explaining that it’s short because it’s the holidays and I’m lazy, but it’s the holidays and I’m lazy.

So without further, or in fact any, explanation, behold our very first Bullet Post!

••••

The other day I saw this huge, geared-out truck and thought, “Wow. A huge truck.” But then a fluffy toy poodle stuck its head out the window. I didn’t know what to think after that.

Maybe something like “Wow. A huge truck. And a poodle.”

••••

My girlfriend and I were talking on our cell phones when she said she wasn’t feeling the connection anymore. I said it was probably because she was going through a tunnel of love.

••••

I think about the Donner Party a lot.

  • Like, they probably invited their friends to travel west with them, and I bet some of them had bad hearing. “Want to come to the Donner party?” And the friend says, “A dinner party, you say?” How would they respond? Like, “Well, not yet, but check back when it starts snowing and I’ll see what I can do for you.”
  • And then when it finally comes to cannibalism, nobody would want to take the first bite. You’d have to be heartless. I’m tellin’ you, the guy who did it must’ve been seriously cold.
  • I wonder how the Donner Party would solve problems in modern day. Like, what if three of them are trying to get to a movie, but their car’s only a two-seater? I can imagine that being real problematic. Maybe they’d just decide to go to a showing that’s after lunch.

••••

I keep this notepad by my bed so if my mind’s racing and I can’t sleep, at least I can write down my ideas. The problem is,  I never remember to check it. So one night, in a flash of brilliance, I wrote, “check notepad.”

At least, I think I did.

••••

I created a document with all my post ideas. I wrote down about 70, then accidentally deleted it. But that’s ok, cause now I can write about that time I deleted my list of ideas.

••••

I wanted to figure out how important self-reliance was, so I took a poll.

••••

If I were Neil Armstrong and I fell on hard times, I’d just go around selling rocks. When people asked me why I was selling rocks, I’d say “They’re moon rocks!” and tell them I hid them in my pants. We’d laugh and laugh, and maybe they’d buy one, cause people will buy anything from Neil Armstrong.

••••

And finally, a proverb:

A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. But once it breaks, you have two really strong chains, which, in some ways, is more useful.











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32 Comments

Filed under Bullet Posts

32 responses to “It’s Time for a Bullet Post • Jokes, Rapid-Fire

  1. All I can say is this made me smile. Brilliant!

  2. Great job. Though I am a little concerned that you spend so much time thinking about the Donner party.

  3. I’m in a Meatloaf cover band. We’re called Saran Wrap.

    We also cover Cake and Korn.

  4. Love this!
    I hope things are okay with the gf.

  5. Welcome to the holiDays… Lazy and wonderful days. Great idea for a blog post though. I will save it for a rainy day. Or this week :) Hope the holidays went well.

  6. allenavw

    I saw a truck like that just the other day, except it was a yorkie and the dog was sitting in the big beefy driver’s lap… kind of ruins the machoism.

  7. “A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. But once it breaks, you have two really strong chains, which, in some ways, is more useful.”

    Frickin’ gold man! I did a Google search and couldn’t believe nobody has ever come up with that one!

  8. Laurel

    Some of your jokes remind me a lot of Jack Handy. And by that I mean they’re brilliant and surprising. Nice work! I will spontaneously share them with my friends at the right moments and totally give you full credit (Jack Handy doesn’t always receive the same treatment.)

  9. So, I was cruising dyautocorrect, and saw this post that I thought you would appreciate: http://damnyouautocorrect.com/15479/autocorrect-ruined-christmas/

  10. Heh, entertaining as always and I fully empathise on being lazy and posting suffering for it – at least you post more regularly and better quality so you got no complaints coming from us readers! :D
    Got many a good chuckle out of this new post but the ‘tunnel of love’ bit? Dude that was such a cheesy joke I actually hurt! XD

    Merry Christmas, blessed Festivus, happy new year, and all that jazz to you as we run the final gauntlets. May your sense of humour never run dry!!
    Cheers.

    • And a blessed Festivus to you! Reasonably Ludicrous is not responsible for any physical pain caused by reading its bad jokes. Well, it’s responsible I guess, but hopefully not liable.

      • Hey, don’t shy away man! If you got a laugh out of people – painful or mirthful – take full responsibility and bask in the knowledge that you can do something that few can well and fill a void the world needs more of… and I’m talking about a sense of humour and joy in life here, not “love sweet love”! ;)
        Cheers!

  11. Ha. :)

    Whenever I have to wait at a crowded restaurant, I always give my name as Donner in the hopes that they’ll say Donner Party over the PA system when my table is ready.

    Have a Happy New Year!

    • Haha awesome. I wonder if any of the Donner descendants have ever been eating at the restaurant when that happened and either been offended or briefly excited at the hope of finding long lost relatives.

  12. Haha! Well done. Some of these deserve the drum sting/rimshot/whatever it is afterwards :D

  13. Clever very clever ramblings!

  14. So, being non-American, I had to wiki the Donner Party before I could comprehend your ramblings. Now I’m disturbed. You’ve disturbed me.

    • Haha. I’m glad I could help further your education in American History. If it makes you feel better, neither Sam nor I have personally resorted to cannibalism lately.

  15. Cute post:-) You have wit! Love the artwork, too, especially the toy poodle in the truck…lol.

  16. In case anyone’s curious, my favorite response to the poll was: “I don’t trust my opinion in this matter.”

    Good work, whoever you are!

  17. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. But once it breaks, you have two really strong chains, which, in some ways, is more useful.

    That’s some profound sh1t right there, my friend.

  18. I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I absolutely loved every little bit of it.
    I’ve got you saved as a favorite to check out new things you post…

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