A handy list of Do’s an Don’t’s!
DO
Wander around your apartment in your underwear. Or, if you’re feeling ‘ballsy,’ completely naked! Your girlfriend was the one who always wanted you to “put some clothes on, for god’s sake.” You thought that was counterproductive–she was just going to take them off anyway! Well now’s your chance to feel those hard-to-reach spots get caressed by the winds of freedom rather than by someone who demands you come to every single one of her interpretive dance recitals. Enjoy it!
DO
Watch at least 5 episodes of Entourage or any other show that makes relationships look worthless and singleness seem awesome. Don’t you want to be those guys? Well, if you were dating, you couldn’t be.
DON’T
Watch The Notebook or Love, Actually, or anything that’s not about rampant casual sex or a lot of killing. Be careful. In some of those movies that seem like they’re about casual sex (No Strings Attached, Strictly Sexual, Friends with Benefits) the main characters actually develop feelings and learn to grow and love each other! That’s exactly what you’re trying to avoid!
DON’T
Pull out that scrapbook your girlfriend gave you last Valentine’s day when you were still a couple. Look how happy you both were. She was so beautiful, and you had the most the wonderful times together. What could possibly have happened? Where did you go wrong? Why did she leave you? Whyyyyyy?!?!
DO
Get a little drunk. He thought you had a drinking problem, but you know that’s not true. The simple fact of the matter is that there’s nothing wrong with a few double-apple vodkatinis if it will help you forget the way he used to gently brush your hair back behind your ear. Alcohol makes it harder to feel anything, and things you can’t fully understand don’t bother you quite as much. So this Valentine’s day, get yourself a present: gallons of homemade bathtub hooch! As you relax, your pores will suck in the liquid indifference!
DON’T
Get too drunk. Because then you’re going to send some very regrettable text messages.
DO
Create a Facebook page for your cat. In a recent study, cats were proven to be the #1 way to distract yourself from your loneliness. How better to make your pet seem more like a real person than by giving it an internet presence?
DON’T
Facebook stalk your exes and compare yourself to their new girlfriends. They’re better than you. And on the off chance that they’re just skanks, what is he doing with her?!
DON’T
Compose love poems. Trust me; I’m an English major. Nothing is sadder than composing poetry, except for composing bad poetry. And anything you write right now is going to be pretty emo.
DO
Burn love poems, gaining strength from the heat of their passion. A bit of cackling is also recommended.
DON’T
Leave your apartment for any reason. Right now, couples everywhere are painstakingly attempting to fulfill their most elaborate fantasies for one another, reveling in an exhilarating exchange of physical and mental gratification. If you step outside your haven, you’re bound to see couples engaging in that horrible sensation known as “joy.” This might send you into a fit of jealousy and rage, and that would be bad for your digestion.
DO
Eat away the pain. And if you want to wipe your hands on your clothes, go for it! Nobody’s watching. You can be as messy and self-destructive as you want. It’s your body—you’re not sharing it with anyone anymore. Stuff it with fried chicken and chocolate all day long! Well, maybe not chocolate. She used to love chocolate…
DON’T
Go on a first date. On Valentine’s Day? What are you, insane? That’s way too much pressure. If it goes well, the whole thing will start on such a romantic note that you’ll feel obligated to see it through till marriage. But how could it even go well? Why would she agree to a date on today of all days? Is she using you to fill some gap in her meaningless life? Are you using her for the same reason? What are her expectations? If you do end up hooking up, would she mind if you cried afterward? Better just to avoid the whole thing.
DON’T
Call your parents. They will probably attempt to console you, and having your parents on your side can be a terrible feeling. If not that, they’ll pester you about not having anyone, using keywords like “grandchildren” and “who could ever love someone like you anyway?”
DO
Send yourselves flowers. Nothing like some flowers to brighten up your day and/or room of mournful memories.
DON’T
Tell anyone.
DO
Spend some quality time with your favorite toys. They’ll never be able to abandon you—you took out their batteries.
DO
Feel a sense of healthy indignation. Why should you pander to a holiday with roots so muddled your elementary school teachers didn’t even understand them. What does the decapitation of an 8th century priest have to do with chocolate hearts and overpriced bouquets? It hasn’t got the logic of a rabbit delivering eggs or a fat man squeezing down a chimney pipe, so therefore you’re allowed to ignore it. A flying fat kid with a bow and arrow? How are you supposed to be romantic with the thought of that hovering above you? In fact, it’s probably best that you forget the holiday exists entirely. From now on, let February 14th be known as “Normal Day Day,” upon which all the men and women of the world will go to work, come home, and that night, be visited by the headache fairy, whose magical pixie dust grants you the excuse of being “too tired” tonight, honey.
There you have it. With this simple guide, you’ll be able to avoid the pain this invented, pressure-filled holiday confers on all of us. Good luck! And have a happy Normal Day Day, everyone!
Reasonably Ludicrous 
Funny must re-blog this one for some of my weird friends to read. 🙂
All I have are weird friends. I hope they read it too!
Good stuff. Mind if I share on my radio station’s website?
Oh wow. I didn’t see this until just now (I’d been working my way down the comments and never looked back haha). Hope you shared it! I certainly don’t mind. The more people that get to hear this debatably good advice, the better!
Reblogged this on Sarchasm2 and commented:
Clever post about the dos and don’ts of valentines waste of time
My favorite is “don’t send yourself flowers,” I actually did that one year….a long time ago…LONG time…*cough*
JK…this was hilarious!
I’m thinking about doing it this year! Wait, I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone…
Either you really love your followers or you think we are all single emotional wrecks that you blogged a day early! lol But thanks 😉 You have also earned a gold star and a smiley face for using such a funny word in your poem..ahem…the word? squawked. I bet your pretty happy now. Fave pic…erm..the girl with the stuffed toys, how big is her smile and how sad are her toys..and should I ask what the blue cylindrical toy is? A stuffed baguette maybe?
I gotta admit, I was wondering if that one might have still had batteries.
It would explain the grin! Ha (comment was suppose to be here, Doh!)
I was thinking that I put batteries in my toys to keep me company! Haha!
LOL! Anne, you are the shiz.
I was thinking the same thing. The subtle aspects of a great post…
ROFL at teachergirl!
Hillarious! I love the girl with the toy- her smile is so valentine care free while her toys seems to saying the silent prayer of “we hope next year on this day, she has someone else to have tea with”
It’s tricky to achieve the perfect amount of self-indulgce that will result and avoid weeks worth of shame at the disgusting slob you’ve become with her/him and how no one could ever possibly love you.
KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
(that was my favourite hovertext this time. kudos)
I try to cry that name out in anguish as often as possible. The nerdy referencing always makes me feel better.
How could I, a huge Star Trek fan, have missed that!? Thanks for pointing it out….
Super Funny !!
I’ll be wearing black tomorrow…
And eating chocolates – because I can!
Loved this 😉
You and me both! So, so many chocolates.
Oh my…heartbreak — we’ve all been through it. Somehow, we manage to move forward, a little worse for the wear and perhaps a little wiser (perhaps not…). Being able to find the humor in it is a start.
Love the crash test dummy’s fetal “joy-avoidance stance” — been there, done that!
After extensive emotional testing, it was proven to be the most effective position.
Instead of creating a Facebook page for my blog I’m going to make one for my cats instead. They are way more interesting than me anyway.
Haha. Yeah I definitely did that in the wrong order. I hope my cats aren’t too upset. I better go get started on the facebook page to appease them.
“Love love, of thee I sing.
Dove, dove, you broke your wing.”
No ACK: you NAKed my ping.
Heart blocked – like by Yao Ming.
Funny 😀
This year, my girlfriend is adamant that “we aren’t getting anything for each other on Valentine’s Day, okay?”.
Nice try, girlfriend. I can see that trap a mile away. Emergency gifts on standby.
Isn’t that the worst? I’m glad you didn’t fall for the ploy. That one should be on the unsingle person’s list of do’s and don’t’s. Also, how the heck do you pluralize those two words without people thinking MS DOS?
“do’s and don’ts” first apostrophe to remove ambiguity, second apostrophe not needed. It does make my head hurt, though.
You got FP’ed again! Nice!
Wooooo! How does this happen? Life is the best.
it’s not gender stereotyping in the division of Do’s & Dont’s, it’s writing based on meticulous research of scientifically proven facts about female & male behavior!! sheeesh!
as uje, luved it!
“uje” is my contribution to the dictionary of urban slang… “totes” & “gorge” were taken…
Haha. That’s a great spin on the gender division. Definitely going to explain it that way. And I always wondered how to spell “uje.” Thanks!
It would explain the grin! Ha
Reblogged this on minorproblems.
Haha! I love the expressions on the stuffed animals’ faces!
Me too! They’re so embarrassed for her.
It’s 10:36am on Valentines Day here in Australia. Flowers litter the supermarkets, obscene amounts of red paper hearts are scattered willy nilly throughout existence. DO: Avoid eye contact with smiling women delighting in their plans for this evening. DON’T: Make plans for this evening…apart from appletinis in the bath and becoming inebriated enough to slide head beneath water line and into a luke warm abyss of forgotten pain and lonliness.
Great post by the way. Happy Valentines Day Russ 😉
Sounds like quite the scene. It’s raining over here, a fitting metaphor for the tomorrow’s predicted mood. I think I’ll try to avoid women altogether, smiling or otherwise, and head straight for that abyss.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you too!
P.S. I think this is one of the prettiest comments we’ve gotten, writing-wise.
Prettiest? It was the use of “willy nilly” wasn’t it? See you in the abyss!
I wish you hadn’t put that picture of me during my tea party on your blog. That was supposed to be private.
Haha. The question is, how did I see it happen?
Now, I know you don’t want your readers to know this – so you’re secret is safe with me. I won’t tell anyone you were the butler serving the tea.
I feel like having a tea party with my Pokemon toys collection.
You and I have the same plans for today!
Totally doing the cat thing and I’m in a relationship.
My stuffed toys will feel lots of love tomorrow. 🙂
I’m sure your cat and toys will be very grateful. Sometimes they feel under-appreciated on these “human” holidays.
Pingback: But trust me, gentleman, I’ll prove more true/ Than those that have more cunning to be strange. « Teacher Girl Blogs
My cat already has a blog 🙂 (and I’m married, what’s my excuse?) although she hasn’t updated in for about a year. Well, that’s cats for you, prefer to sleep, eat, wash, sleep, play or sleep. We’re going to do as last year and celebrate Normal Day Day instead of Overpriced Overhyped Unrealistic Expectation Inducing Crap Day 😀 (No, we wouldn’t win any romanticness prizes…)
In addition to all those fun cat activities you mentioned, they also enjoy sleeping. And perhaps you’ll win a sticking it to the man award instead!
Pingback: Happy Valentine’s Day! | Sweet the Sound
The Notebook is never a good movie to watch on any day and regardless of one’s relationship status. Any Nicholas Sparks movie for that matter.
Yeah, it’s not nearly as good as that spinoff, “The Netbook,” about those two laptop computers that overcame having their hard drives wiped and were able to reboot their love.
I would watch that movie, to be honest. You should work as a scriptwriter.
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed again! Well deserved!
And Russ strikes again with a rigorous post entailing his loving affinity for the humorous aspect of a single’s life. Is this Sadistic or a Masochistic? I’m going to argue sadomasochistic for both parties with an arrow straight through the reader’s heart.
I, myself, am having a lady over tonight. She’s taken on the man role, somehow, and I suspected that she didn’t want to do anything for Valentine’s day; that was until she told me she goes all out on Valentine’s day yesterday. With a totally untidy apartment- it’s that time of day where I must be as a phoenix– and rise from the ashes. I’ve got five hours. *sighs*
LET’S DO THIS! HEART SHAPED COOKIES FTW!
I believe in you! And in your sadomasochistism! Here’s hoping for a fun night!
oh wow, thanks for the laugh. have a great day…
No problem! I’m just happy I’m making some females laugh today, even if they are already married to country men. A great day to you as well!
Great post and awesome illustrations! Thank you for sharing!
…following your blog…
This one of my favorites by you guys…and look at that, it landed you on Freshly Pressed again. Come on man, stop hogging it!
Haha. Sorry about that! I swear it’s the wordpress people’s fault!
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed, again! You’re stories are fantastic!
Thanks! I don’t know how this stuff happens. And it’s been nice having you around!
This is hilarious from start to finish. I really loved the poem, “Our time together only rued, because you are whorishly untrue.” Hahaha!
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed and try, just try to have a Happy Valentine’s Day! Things are lookin’ up~
My poetry classes taught me so much. I love that this post is categorized under poetry on the Freshly Pressed page. Hopefully people who end up here looking for a good Valentine’s Day poem don’t have very high expectations haha.
I’m certainly having a happier V-day now. Hope yours is great too!
OMG you are right. Your post is tagged under Poetry in the FP page. I’m dying from the hilarity!
EFFLUVIUM
Inspire, inhale me inbreathe and love,
do it gently and with all your heart.
You feel so, right under my skin
‘re the only moment of good things.
Hear about me your sigh velvety
is infinity, which we loved.
Give me a kiss, the smell of burning
shall dwell with you, darling, forever!
Victor Banda
Copyright 2010
Nice!
Best. Post. Ever! Although my mind is in the gutter so “spending quality time with your favourite toys” entails NOT taking out their batteries 😉
Haha. Don’t worry. My mind is in the gutter too. Too bad the only battery-powered toy I have is a plastic dinosaur that roars when you press a button on it’s back. I wonder if there are any creative ways I can use that to my advantage…
Creative way to use that to your advantage:
1. Get a better ‘favorite’ toy.
2. Remove battery from plastic dinosaur to use in new better ‘favorite’ toy.
Although really the ideal solution is to just have toys that don’t require batteries in the first place – this avoids the real, true VDay pain: attempting to stand nonchalantly in a line full of couples buying each other flowers, while you’re standing by yourself clutching a 20-pack of batteries, a bottle of wine, and, in a last-ditch, horrifically failed attempt to make it look like a normal grocery store run to any judgemental, prying eyes, a jar of pickles that you grabbed at random out of the sale aisle.
God *dammit* this line is long…
Hahaha. A simple, two-step process! And how unfortunate that pickles were the random item. This is great.
Timley and just plain awesome!
I love your style!
Thanks! I’m going to have to be more careful around bellmen…
I kind of love this. And my mind totally went “south” with the ‘spending time with your toys’ suggestion.
Haha. I suppose that blue french loaf is a bit hard to ignorth. At east, I think it’s hard, though I’m doing my west.
God, that was terrible. I’m sorry. Puns should be a Cardinal sin.
Fantastic list of dos and dont’s! I’ll be sure to keep them in mind tonight. Thanks for making me smile! 🙂
I’m not sure if there’s actually any good advice in this list, but if for some reason it works out, then you’re welcome! Here’s hoping you manage to find Harrison Ford!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I may do & don’t do most of these things. This truly made my day.
Haha, glad you enjoyed it. I’m still trying to work up the courage to go buy myself flowers. And in the meantime, I’m having trouble picking which gladiator movie to watch.
I won’t buy the flowers. I’ll most likely yank them from the ground somewhere. LOL!
It’s more cathartic that way! You get to vent your raaaaage.
Freshly Pressed again?! Is that even possible? Love the post, as always. 🙂
I’m still wondering whether it’s possible or if I’m just still asleep and having one of those Valentine’s Day dreams that gets crushed upon the morn.
This is bloody fantastic! Once the aftermath of the Valentine’s Day Massacre (and I’m not referring to Al Capone) has settled, come over to my blog for tips and ideas on love. *Batteries not required, depending on the post. 😉
(Shameless plug, isn’t it?)
Haha, I’ll check it out. Your shamelessness may be plugged, but mine is battery-powered, so who am I to judge?
Haha was a good read! you are totally right, no first dates on Valentine’s Day! 😛
Who am I kidding? I’d take a date no matter how uncomfortable the holiday.
Awww!
hilarious …so so funny…
i love the images used for every DOs n DONTs
I’m so lucky to have Sam the artist, although he’s not quite so single as I am, so there’s always a healthy portion of jealousy at play.
valentine, shmalentine!
Couldn’t have said it better myself!
Reblogged this on The story of Paro and commented:
Wish I had read this earlier today. Did many of the “DOs” but also some the “DON’Ts”. Not like it means anything but Happy Valentine’s Day!
Happy Valentine’s Day to you too! Here’s hoping it’s still salvageable, despite the late arrival of the guide 🙂
Reblogged this on სამყარო, სადაც ვცხოვრობ მე… and commented:
ჰაჰ, ცოტა გვიან კი ვნახე, მაგრამ მაინც…
ისეთი გართული და დაკავებული ვიყავი სამსახურში…
თუმცა, კი მქონდა მეგობრების ნახვის მცდელობა. დონატები მივირთვათ მეთქი, მაგრამ დღევანდელ დღეს არ უხდება დონატებიო. ნუ, ეტყობა, დონატებზე მეტად სახლში ჯდომა უხდება… ხოდა, ისხდნენ. :დ
For those of you who don’t speak Georgian, here’s a translation courtesy of Google.
“Hah, I saw a little late, but still …
Such a complication, and I was busy at work …
However, while I was trying to counter. Donations mivirtvat me, but I do not have donatebio today. I, I, … I have donateb than sit at home, were sitting. : D”
I’m sorry you feel that way about donations, but I guess I understand. Plenty of things mivirtvat me as well, and I’ve always been sadly without donatebio.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
LOL. Ok. I cannot Not comment on this one.
It’s the google translate problem, not my feelings toward donations, but my friend’s about donuts! 😀 Hah 😀
P.S. Happy Valentine’s day to you too.
Ha! Very amusing. I was halfway through eating my fried chicken when I read the part about eating fried chicken 🙂 and proceeded to wonder how many others are eating greasy fried foods today
Haha, that’s awesome. I woke up pretty late, so I haven’t made my way to the grease yet, but you can but my oversize bottom that I’ll be consuming heart-destroyingly large portions.
I wonder how many others, like me, got back up from bed to check “one thing” on the computer, went “ooh this article looks good”, and ended up craving fried chicken at midnight. 😦
Sorry about that! This blog is actually sponsored by Kentucky Fried Chicken and pays us to work it into as many posts as possible.
Reblogged this on Loosing touch with reality and commented:
This is really great! 😀
Woohoo! You’re really great!
Why thank you, could you check out my site? Please?
Look at you, Freshly Pressed again! Now you get to bask in the warm affection of your fans on Valentine’s Day. Aw.
Yaaay! Best Valentine’s Day ever!
Your best valentine’s day ever consists of the time the entire world was given the opportunity to go over your strategy of destructive habits for distracting yourself from the pain of having to spend Valentine’s Day completely and totally alone? 😦
(I’m a pessimist blocking out the pain by putting the worst spin possible on other people’s happiness. At midnight. On the internet. Um…. Happy Normal Day Day!)
Haha good point. I think it’s mostly because I drank so much wine on the other Valentine’s Days that I don’t really remember them to well. (I honestly have no idea what I did on V-Day the last 6 years)
Reblogged this on Geekonomicon and commented:
Single on Valentines Day? No need to be sad about it; here’s a handy guide of Dos and Don’ts.
Loved the poem! And hey, Valentine’s Day does provide a lot of amusement — including the Futurama episode where they haul drums of candy hearts to another planet, with this great exchange between the aliens:
Lurr: “Blech! These candies are chalky and unpleasant!”
Wife: “And what is this emotion you humans call ‘wuv’?”
Lurr: “Surely it says ‘love’.”
Wife: “No, ‘wuv’! With an Earth ‘w’. Behold!”
Lurr: “This concept of ‘wuv’ confuses and infuriates us!”
Hahaha. Ah, Futurama, best show of them all. I see why you like it. After all, Lurr does hail from Omicron Persei 8, a planet similar to yours in many ways.
Saving it for future reference. Just lovely, I say!
Many of these tips can be employed on any day of the year! Your cat can never be too internet famous, and your toys can never get too much love!
Reblogged this on tkristenparker and commented:
This isn’t entirely a program I’m unfamiliar with.
hahaha, this is really funny!
Thanks! We do what we can 🙂
Pingback: The Single Person’s Guide to Not Being Sad on Valentine’s Day | Reasonably Ludicrous | The Road Ahead
This was so fun to read!! Love the sketches and the fact that some of it is really true:)
We always aim for at least a small percentage of truth haha. Have to meet the mandated quota, after all. Glad you liked it!
Absolutely HYSTERICAL! Just the laugh I needed. Yes, I’m in a relationship, but I’ve been single before on Valentine’s Day, and I’ve got a few single friends I can re-blog this too. Thanks for the laugh, and Happy Valentine’s Day!
And a Happy Valentine’s Day to you! We’re happy to add a little laughter in amongst all the steamy romance you’ll be having. And even if you’re set, maybe your friends will find the tips helpful!
Reblogged this on and commented:
I thought that this post was HYSTERICAL! I just HAD to reblog it for my single friends out there.
Pingback: Valentines Day Special: President Obama’s Advice « From a Young Man's Perspective
im going to have a tea party with my teddy bear.
And thankfully you can count on it to always love you, even if its facial expression may seem a little concerned about your actions.
Ah! You just made my day, I thank you ^_^
No problem! And here I figured making your day was that fantasy I’d always had but assumed was too unrealistic to come true. Huzzah!
Haha! Superb! 🙂
http://bitterfia.wordpress.com
hahhahah! how FUNNY! 😀
When YOU feel that nobody loves YOU. Nobody cares for YOU. Everyone has been ignoring YOU. YOU should really ask yourself. Am I too sexy? Do I look awesome? Why am I single?
Perhaps, it’s a lifestyle choice or had a traumatic experience. Maybe she don’t give anyone else the chance to get to know her or simply shy. OPTIMISM is the number ingredient for HAPPINESS.
http://nihawma.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/looking-for-groom/
I’m starting to think that perhaps I am too sexy…ahhh girl look at that body.
We all want to find that special someone someday BUT this lady
http://nihawma.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/looking-for-groom/
is still looking for the perfect man 😆 that is why she is still single. 😀
Happy Valentine’s Day 2012!!! Don’t lose your heads like Saint Valentine did…what a price to pay for having nothing non-romantic to say Oh! If only I were gay! Maybe then I could say it another way but I”m not not that’s there’s anything wrong with it what’s a little delay in an infinite heart oh! the infinitely breaking part I forgot she’s so darn smart smart in love she knows how to take me apart she spreads me around her room leaving spare ones on the moon then a note “try singing in June!” Of course I will dear eternity is not what I fear it’s only what I will never hear if you don’t say you love me too oh! how I long to sing with you but till then I sing for you…I know…I”ve lost my head but it’s so much better than being found intact lacking the essential fact…do you love me too? I know you do…no pressure…no need to bow or scrap I”m just another dancing ape…for you Shawna Lee Colvin…I adore you my funny candlekin!!!
Another wonderful Valentine’s Day poem!
This is so funny! Thank you, I am tweeting this immediately! Your drawings are wonderful also thank you for posting this!
Thanks! I’m stoked people are enjoying it. And Sam is the best art-man this side of the Mississippi. Happy Valentine’s Day!
That was really funny! Don’t ever go on a first date on Valentine’s day, that is crazy who does that?
My friend was pretty close to doing it today, but then I gave him a harsh scolding and he reconsidered. Now instead he’s going on a date to the movies with me!
I love you. This made my whole day… and I plan on checking every single thing off of that list! haha. Plus, the ending was incredibly on point – only solidifying everything preceding it. 🙂 Happy Normal Day Day.
Wow. An “I love you” on Normal Day Day. A bold claim haha. Good luck on the list!
DO: “Create a facebook page for your cat”
You should have topped that with:
DON’T: “Go overboard and be seen as a crazy cat lady”
Haha true. Although maybe some people are into the crazy cat lady type and you’d manage to find love that way.
Funny, some of this applies not just to singles, but to married/’in a relationship since beginning of time” as well. Fabulous cartoons, congrats!
In a relationship since the beginning of time? Wow. I guess it is pretty cool to think that the gods might stand to gain from my advice 🙂
sexy day :*
Reblogged this on beforesheimplodes and commented:
LOL! Pretty awesome
DO
work in a flower shop, look at your stressed-out customers and be glad you’re not one of them. And realize red roses are actually kind of ugly – I’m glad there’s no-one who might make the mistake of giving me any.
And for your first point, hey, I do that all the time. Gotta change out of my work clothes when I come home anyway, and why bother with putting on others?
Since I’ll I do is sit at my computer and write, my work clothes are the same as my home clothes: nothing!
screw being sad. not worth the effort. be happy about the candy that will be on clearance tomorrow 🙂
http://www.icouldntmakethisshitup.wordpress.com
Didn’t even think of that. Brilliant! I can eat away the pain on the cheap!
nice one!
here’s my take on Slap Day!
http://aakashtyagi.wordpress.com/2012/02/15/slap-day/
Reblogged this on mercimercyme.
Absolutley Excellent!!! Great advice for all of us, single or not! Tahnks for the laughs and for the reminder to LOVE OURSELF first!!!
Woohoo! I’m heartened to think of all the self love I’ll be administering tonight.
This was a great blog full of humor. The line pictures are also well done. On a negative note, since we now have lost a well known singer, who possibly drowned in a bath tub or died before hand because of a possible drug overdose with booze: I was uncomfortable with the bath scene in your series.
lmfao
So is that little Christmas tree with the little feet and the things sticking out of your head a self-picture. A great picture of a first class druggie. Knowing you are not a WordPress member; that would be too much class for you. Sorry your paying connection passed away!
Note the link goes nowhere. The post does not refer back to a WordPress blog. Is there anyway of keeping this trash off of WordPress postings?
Reblogged this on The Paul W and commented:
Sounds about right. Or at least funny enough to post.
Some of these are good tips for married people – i.e. not reminiscing over the former lover scrapbook or watching romances! Nice post.
Haha true. Pulling out that old scrapbook could get a little awkward, especially after I promised I’d gotten rid of all of that after my brief indiscretion…
Comically brilliant sarcasm and satire!!! Light years beyond my own effort today, and a joy to read!
http://walkoffwin55.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/dissing-v-day-in-a-humorous-way/
hilarious! …err my dad died on valentine’s day 3 years ago AND A GOOD LAUGH ON THIS DAY IS ALWAYS NEEDED! my take on heart day…
http://www.prsidebars.wordpress.com
Reblogged this on colourfulsounddotorg.
hahaha well suggested will do just that
Reblogged this on if you can't say it, write it! and commented:
awesome!!!
Love this! At any age it’s so spot on. Funny stuff, thanks I needed that 🙂
15 minutes to go before I get out of my office cubicle or as I call it, my tiny crazy room. All I have to say is : Bottle of Wine,–Mama is almost there!!!
Since my bedroom is my office, I’m always trapped in ol’ tiny crazy. Luckily I make plenty of forays to the fridge to get bottles of wine, m’self.
What a nice post to read!
I will post it on my FB page.
In the meantime, I hope you don’t mind if I nose around, obviously naked.
Ambra
I don’t mind one bit! In fact, nakedly is the best way to nose around! I wish more people tried it.
Reblogged this on April Laugh's Blog and commented:
LMAO!!!
This was so great.
You had me at “fried chicken and chocolate.”
Haha. I’ll have to try offering that combo to more people and see if they swoon.
Reblogged this on KayleeJHanson and commented:
HAHA!! This is perfect.
Hello i just posted a blog on my page called Single girls guide to surviving the Apocalypse/Valentine’s Day 2012 you should check it out!
Awsome
Excellent. I’m actually very impressed by that poem- you’ve gotta be pretty good to write that bad. Favourite bit: ‘Couple kissing in the rain-no no no. SPEAR-yes yes yes.’ Great image.
Just to nitpick a tiy bit… DO set up a facebook page for your cat and set its relationship status to ‘with you’???
Hmmm. And it was all going so well!
*a tiny bit.
Some people call this day Valentines Day but we single people call it Tuesday. Btw……cupid, your fired!
Poor cupid. He doesn’t have a lot of employable skills.
Reblogged this on WordPress Trends.
Why not go on a 1st date on V day? I think it would double your chances if things go well… wink wink
I never considered that! Ok, it’s only 6:30. Maybe I can still snag somebody!
Your blog made me laugh! It’s difficult being single on this day and snuggling on sofa with pet dog rather than another human, but at least its better to hang on for right person,
Nothing like a little laughter to make a dog seem more like a mate. But don’t get any ideas 😉
I’m with you. The right person will come along!
Thanks! Although dog has certain charm, he looks at me adoringly and always agrees with me
I commented earlier and ad usual followed any comments. Normally, they trickle through…well I nearly choked on a chicken bone when I checked my inbox!! Congrats on being freshly pressed AGAIN! The pressures back on for next weeks post then? Lol
Haha, sorry about that! I had to remove all my e-mail settings or I never would have been able to cope 🙂
And yeah. No idea what we’re doing for next week. Guess that keeps life interesting!
Awesome.
Reblogged this on A Teenage Wasteland and commented:
someone has heard my prayers
God bless you for bringing some sanity to an otherwise insane holiday!!!
Me, the bringer of sanity? This is such a new and wonderful feeling!
I just buy gourmet chocolate for myself and indulge, plus listen to my favorite music. As you get older, the single thing on Valentine’s Day is less of a problem. However, the couple in the apt below mine have been acting like rabbits lately. I had to drown out their lovemaking sounds with music.
I get that from the people who share wall with me. I wouldn’t mind the noise, except it comes accompanied by so much jealousy.
You’re awesome. I will be watching a marathon of spartacus tonight in your honor. and Tosh.0. perhaps some hoarders. anything with gratuitous violence, nudity, sex, and inappropriateness. and i will treat myself to a cinnabon. happy single’s awareness day!
Spartacus is exactly what I watched! The ultimate primal pleasure show.
right?!! i love it. i think i’m the only girl that’s obsessed with that show.
I think that makes you the most awesome girl. Plus I like your blog! Though I’m sure San Diego’s sad to see you go.
haha well thank you. i do miss parts of it.
Great post, especially the part about “Don’t go on a first date.” I actually thought about asking a girl out who lives in my building after hearing her complain about not having a date, then I thought better of it.
I’ve decided to boycott Valentine’s Day anyway at least until Hallmark comes up with a “Steak and Bikini Day” for men.
Ah, Steak and Bikini Day. We need to make that social movement happen, professor. Someday, when I’m powerful…
And now it’s the day after Valentine’s day. Go ask that girl out!
Reblogged this on Leanne Tee.
This made my day! Thank you posting this!
I’m glad I went ahead and made your day, just like Harry Callahan told me to.
My favorite part was when you said to send flowers to yourself – that was great!! Good ideas; thanks for sharing!! 🙂
I’m not sure if they were all good ideas, but I do enjoy living under the self-induced illusion of having a sexy secret admirer.
Reblogged this on Straight from NY to Paradise in a Day!!!.
WHAT??! Freshly Pressed twice?! This is bullshit! I’m going to complain until I get Freshly Pressed twice too!
P.S. I’m very happy for you.
I keep trying to include “grumble grumble” but I was using brackets around them and WordPress was reading it as an HTML tag, haha.
Haha. Maybe they’re just rotating through us in order. You’re probably next! (Also, it helps that I send them bribes)
This post was great, had a such good laugh! The image with “Burn Love Poems” sealed the deal for me to subscribe. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed.
Woohoo! A subscriber! I knew burning all that love poetry so the artist could get an idea of what it looked like would help me in the end!
Just thought of a title for this: “Poetry Disco Inferno.” You say you are an English major, so here’s hoping you’ll appreciate this one: “Burns, baby, Burns.” Yeah, that was pretty bad…
great post!
http://www.amiarting.wordpress.com
You are a genius! Love this! Thank you for making me laugh!
Happy Normal Day! or Anti-V day as I say ; )
el
Genius, you say? Sounds like just the kind of praise my that could go to my head. I like it.
Hope you had a great Anti-V day! (How does one celebrate that? By not watching The Mighty Ducks?)
Cool guide. They should ban V. Day. I nearly always spend it on my own. Its just an excuse for big companies to try and make money. And it’s only a holiday for some people not everyone like Christmas and Easter.
Plus, think of all the flowers whose lifespans get cut so tragically short!
Reblogged this on eve1748.
Haha! This guide is sooo cool! Yay! Thanks for sharing. Upon reading this, I felt better. Haha! Thanks!
Happy to help out! I felt better when I read it too, because I thought, “Thank god that blog post is finally finished.”
“hard-to-reach spots get caressed by the winds of freedom” ???
absolutely hysterical !!!! still laughing….. thank you for that !
It’s a pleasant sensation, is it not? The caressing, that is. I suppose laughter is fairly pleasant too. Pleasantness all around!
Finally a rational response to this irrational celebration!
People keep saying all these nice things, like that I’m a “genius,” or that I’ve “finally stopped being a complete disappointment.” And now “rational?” You guys are too nice!
Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. This is where we can find the true meaning of love and we won’t be sad again when Valentines comes around in the corner.
That’s actually a very nice passage. Although, when it says love does not delight in evil, I have to wonder, what if you have a love of evildoing? You know, like the pagans.
Pingback: VALENTINE’S DAY « 2nd Intermediate
Oh, that was good stuff there. I was wondering, if I do not have a cat, does it help still if I make a page for a fake cat? Maybe I should have gotten myself a cat for Valentine’s Day instead of flowers…hmm…
Anyway, really enjoyed your blog and the pics. Nicely done!
A fake cat makes just as good of a page. Half the point is so that you’ll have someone (something) to be in a relationship with, so as long as you’re not committing libel, you’re good to go!
I feel better now.
Me too. But I think it’s from the pills I took…
The Gypsy called them a lovelessness tonic.
I’ve had the worst Valentines Day. And I’m Danish, living in Denmark, so it annoys the crap out of me that I even care about this insane day that is absolutely not a Danish tradition. But still Danish people on Facebook and other places are all hearty-hearty …and I’m just bitter.
So what was my day like? I’ve caught a really bad cold today …so I’m sneezing and coughing and looking like Rudolph.
On top of that … the guy that I’ve been dating for 8 months told me today that he has started dating another girl, and the guy (not the same, yes, my life is a mess …) that I’m in love with told me tonight on Messenger that he sees me as a friend. Oh, a friend? Just what I wanted to hear.
I’m shipping your crappy Valentines day back to the States! Return to sender!!
… but bitterness aside, thanks for a great post 🙂
I’m sorry Anne! I swear I never meant for our Holidays to leave our borders. Americans usually aren’t very good at sharing, but maybe when it’s misery, we like to dole it out.
I hope your love life works out! We have to root for each other. Good luck!
You’re forgiven, Russ 😉 And thanks! I’m cheering for your love life to work out too!
Held og lykke (as we say in Denmark) = Good luck!
And I’ll probably check out your blog again soon. I normally never read blogs, but you can definitely write! (too bad it’s not in Danish though ;-))
Amazing recommendations for the single person, but what about for the one who doesn’t want to be with his lover on this date?
Ooh, great question! That would require dates, so I haven’t really experienced your particular situation. Maybe by next year I’ll have weaseled my way into a relationship and then become disillusioned. Then I’ll probably have some advice! For now I’d say DON’T explain your feelings on Valentine’s Day. That has drama written all over it.
Phew – so glad I didn’t say yes to a first date tonight! Said yes to going out on the 16th instead 🙂
Only problem with that is, more time for the awkward before-first-date emails. I just received the one To Which There Is No Answer – the dreaded “So why no relationships before??” The only thing I can say to that is, as always: “Well, if I KNEW the reason why, I would have DONE something about it…” 🙂
The before-first-date e-mails? Oh man, that sounds daunting. Don’t worry. You don’t have to hold out much longer!
At least you finally are doing something about it! I’m rooting for you!
Ah, the date turned out to be the usual – within the first five minutes of conversation he admitted to still being married. So it’s back to the drawing board, maybe better luck for me next time (so far I’ve been saying that EVERY time!) 🙂
I’m happily taken, but this is hilarious. (Entourage DOES make single life look incredible. Yikes!)
Congratulations, sir! I think once that happens to me, I’ll have to avoid Entourage for fear of getting ideas in my head.
Nice post.
Reblogged this on A bit lost but mostly found and commented:
Bahahahahahaha.ha.ha.ha
by far the best advice on this v-day!! love this!!
You must not have many sources of advice 😉
Hope our guide helped you have a great holiday!
Reblogged this on No _ Average Jane.
This was fantastic… loved the poem! lol Happy Normal day!
Thanks! That poem is probably my crowning achievement. I think it really captures that avian quality inherent in all of mankind.
Reblogged this on randomnessincorporated and commented:
this post ❤
hahahahha 🙂
I had a friend post ‘Hope you got the VD that you truly deserve today.’ On a facebook wall. I appreciate the little funny things like that! Afraid I read this an hour after midnight… could have used this guide today. 😀
Hahaha. I actually laughed out loud. That’s awesome. Sorry this didn’t get to you in time, but hopefully that’s a trend for you, and VD didn’t get to you either. I doubt you deserve it 🙂
Loved this! Will post on facebook. 🙂
Woohoo!
Love it!
Brilliant! That made me giggle.
I’m all about the giggling. Whether induced by brilliance or seeing a tiny puppy chase its tail, falsely believe that it’s making progress, it’s always good.
This is freaking awesome!! >.<!
Haha. I’m not sure if our blog has caused people to make that face before, but I like it!
Reblogged this on Munch, plunge and undulate..
I love it!! I wrote a blog similar the other day, but yours is way funnier!!
I lucked out. I may not have women over, but the Muse warmed my sheets the other night.
I was accompanied by my stuffed dog!
Reblogged this on reinaldobanh and commented:
Love & Fight
Fabulous piece of writing! From one former English major to another, WOW (because we are all so good with words – which is probably why we are single),
Haha. Yeah, girls seem not to like the way I correct their grammar and give them honest feedback on their poetry. “Wow” certainly is one of my favorite words, so thank you!
Strangely enough, men do not understand the kindness inherent in refusing a date offer from someone who cannot tell the difference between “your” and”you’re”. Or who ritually torture apostrophes. I am jealous of your artist friend’s skills. Would he care to help out on my movie review blog? Pretty please with sugar on it?
You have a movie review blog? So do I! I can’t even convince Sam to help with mine, but perhaps the offer of sugar will sway him. Either way, I’ll have to check yours out.
Mine is http://www.Greercn.wordpress.com Now I’ve shown you mine, you have to show me yours. I live in London, England, so you may find the movie sequence different from those you’ve seen. And I fear I may have to stop subscribing to comments on this post quite soon as my Inbox is flooded and I have things I have to do! Well done, Russ. I am deep green with jealousy of your success. And pleased for you. I am large. I contain multitudes. Consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds? (I am a big Emerson fan).
Amazing! You see ALL the movies! Wasn’t Tintin so good?! I loved the entire thing. Sorry to explode your inbox. I’ve been feeling the same effects, but I think I’m finally close to responding to everyone. Woohoo! Here’s my movie blog, which I’ve done a bad job of keeping up lately.
http://thenickelscreen.com/
Reblogged this on wordsfromusa.
I think this is good advice. I hope everyone who feels lonely bitter and sad today has an awesome day tomorrow. Also take it from a person with lots of relationship experience, even if you feel lonely today, there are quite a few days in long term relationships where you really appreciate being alone.
I’ve been having a pretty good day so far! Following some of my own advice: sitting in my underwear, eating a bunch of food, and attempting to respond to blog comments haha.
Thanks for making us feel better!
Nice post
I totally agree with don’t go out and do enjoy eating stuff, but I must disagree with sending flowers to self, i mean how pathatic is that, it will only reminds me how hopeless Im
It all depends on your capacity for self-deception. You just have to be able to believe that someone else sent you the flowers, because in that brief moment, you’ll be happy. Followed, of course, but the horribly crashing down of truth that sends you deeper into the bowels of sorrow than ever before. See? A perfect plan! 😉
I don’t know why I love this blog, but I do. I am not single. I am too old to appreciate subtle youth-inspired longings, I have been married so long that the term, “just friends” is an understatement. But, I love your blog. Some things just cannot be explained.
And what a happy mystery it is! It’s nice to think that the things you say can appeal to a wide audience. Maybe we can relate because we’re both asthmatics?
The dumbest thing I ever read beside my own posts. I laughed all the way through.
You know what they say: idiocy is akin to joy. Well, it’s something like that, anyway. I wasn’t smart enough to commit it all to memory.
Never lose your sense of humor.
Absolutely perfect. Especially the double apple vodkatinis. Not that I am partaking mind you. And, yes, I am much better than she is. I don’t get the souless, stick figure, thing. But hey, he seems to.
Soulless even. Huh, I think the martini has taken affect (again, not that I am partaking).
No. I’m deifinitely not parthatking eitherrs. WooOooo!
great post!
-embraceyoumag.com
really enjoyed reading it.
and I enjoyed reading this comment. An eye for an eye, as they say. (Does that apply to this?)
Thank you for sharing this! i liked it so much:)
I thought about keeping it all for myself, but then my childhood training kicked in, and I decided to put it out there. You have my mother to thank 🙂
But, but, but … how can I not spend Valentine’s Day without Ryan Gosling?? 😉
Haha. You could always watch Drive! (I wouldn’t recommend it though. Even I would rather watch The Notebook)
Reblogged this on I'm standing still but I can't catch my breath..
Wow! Laughing out loud and following these tips! Congrats on being FP, the SECOND time! How do you do that by the way? Great Post!
I’m not sure exactly! I think it might have been the goat I sacrificed. Or maybe the fact that my aunt works for wordpress. Just kidding. About the aunt at least.
haha i love this 🙂
Yay! I provided something to love on Valentine’s Day!
yess you did haha espceially when you are a single girl in college and your roommate rubs it in your face by having her bf take her out to one of the nicest restaurants in pittsburgh….whatever, todays a new day!
this is fun
I love fun!
ur too good! love this post! 😀 😀
Double smiley face?! You’re the one who’s too good! Glad you liked it!
Reblogged this on thelonewolfy and commented:
wow! that helps!
This is fantastic! I’ll definitely be reading more of your posts 🙂
Score! Another one has fallen into our trap. Mwahaha
This is quite witty. I enjoyed the wonderful art work. Think the poem might have been my favorite. You’re great.
Great? Why thank you! I did spend minutes and minutes on that poem, so I’m happy to have people afford it the appreciation it deserves 😉
Seriously, I had no idea so many people would read that. To think, I’ve written probably hundreds of poems, and this is the one I’m best known for. Cracks me up.
Yeah that is kind of ironic. You’re very welcome. (:
Reblogged this on LegendaryLaG...
So perfect!
I’ve always wanted to achieve perfection! I guess I can be done now. Huh. That’s a weird feeling…
But in all honesty, glad you liked it! 🙂
love this post!
I keep telling people I love the post too, but I’m worried it’s just because I want to fit in.
Besides the fact that I wasn’t actually sad on Valentines Day, I just found it well written and humorous.
This was hilarious and really helpful, thanks a lot! 🙂
One question though, why can’t I tell anyone?! Haha couldn’t find any way to vent it all out but to pour my heart out to a friend 😐
As long as your friend’s in the same boat, I’m sure she’ll understand. Even I told someone, but I think my desperate plea for pity backfired when she hung up on me.
Saint Valentine is just a day, the easy way is make happy your couple just one day, you need to think in how is possible to be happy the other 364 days.
I have to find a way to be happy three hundred and sixty-five days a year?!?! Oh man, this life thing is way more daunting than I realized.
“DO…Create a Facebook page for your cat”
On your advice, I just created one for the voices in my imaginary cat’s head. Does that count?
Thank you for an amusing read, and great work on getting Freshly Pressed!
I think that’s even better. Who knows what those cats are plotting? They always look so devious and superior.
Reblogged this on Astrojeeta's Blog.
I normally HATE these kind of posts but this one seriously gave me a laugh. I love the poem!
Phew. I’m glad we managed to avoid the hate. After all, hate leads to suffering. At least, that’s what that Jedi dude told me.
This is totally awesome!
“…..On Valentine’s Day? What are you, insane? That’s way too much pressure. If it goes well, the whole thing will start on such a romantic note that you’ll feel obligated to see it through till marriage….” true that !
I wonder how many married couples started dating on Valentine’s Day. These seems worth investigating.
Simply awesome. I’m reblogging this right away.
Woohoo! Spreading the love, err, lack of love, err, ability to cope with lack of love?
Reblogged this on Mia as in /Em-Ay-Ey/ and commented:
CUTE!!! 😛
Reblogged this on Just Great and commented:
The guy does have a point… #ponderinginsilence
Pingback: Những hướng dẫn giúp người độc thân không buồn chán trong ngày Valentine (1) | E-nest
If I were still single, I would TOTALLY follow your pieces of advice. This post gave me a good laugh. ^^
Reblogged this on Freedom Per Thought and commented:
LOL
Love this guide!
And it loves you, because I’ve crafted it to be non-judgmental. Not that you need judging or anything. Uh oh, I’m digging myself into a hole.
Haha I do appreciate not being judged.
Great post! I liked everything about it, from the writing to the awesome drawings! Keep it up, guys!
Thanks! We’ll see what we can do. I foresee many all-nighters in my near future, seeing as that’s the only way we manage to get anything done haha.
Reblogged this on themarchrabbit✭ and commented:
sniffle.
Funny and entertaining. Yes, parental interactions only add insult to injury. Haha
I wrote a post for my single friends as well..
http://joxtapose.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/singled-out/
That’s actually a very pretty letter. Affirming and beautifully written.
(And don’t tell anyone, but I ended up talking to my parents yesterday. Gah! They were happy that the blog got featured or some such thing)
Reblogged this on Strange Hue and commented:
a fun read. LOLz
haha! Happy Normal Day Day indeed!
Hope it was as Normal for you as it was for me!
Actually, mine was kind of abnormal, what with this blog stuff going on, but I did my best to ignore it :p
Good one…
Reblogged this on Bree's Thoughts and commented:
wish i had seen this a day earlier
There’s always next year!
Oh my god, this is so true! I was amazed how accurate yoru insights are 😀
Laughed my way trough some of them. Thank you for sharing. Valentines day topic is always very controversial, I think.
Happy Valentines to your single (or dating) self! 😉
http://dressupforme.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/under-the-red-label-love/
Laughing through my accurate insights?! How dare you? Haha. Hope you had a good V-day!
haha! hilarious. I shared it to my “broken-heart-ed” friends… i hope they find something here that would cheer them up. will reblog this.. thanks! 🙂
I hope it worked! Most of my friends are in relationships, so they didn’t need my help. I’ll just have to live vicariously through you.
nah… you don’t have to.. anyway, my friends are mostly single, including me. i just figured this post isn’t only applicable during valentine’s (ooops! normal day day) but everyday, especially if you’re surrounded by single-in-a-relationship people or married people, and getting over a break-up… That must have sucked!
Reblogged this on Pano ba mag-blog? and commented:
Just want to share this with you… this isn’t mine, obviously. But want my single “broken-hearted, bitter” friends to know that there are still things in life that are great and that being single isn’t a curse.
Pingback: The Single Person’s Guide to Not Being Sad on Valentine’s Day « I'm standing still but I can't catch my breath.
you have a sweet and lovely post and i love it,keep it up
victor
Thanks! We’ll do our best to keep it up, but now the pressure’s on for next week. As Scooby would say, “Ruh roh!”
That’s sounds like an excuse to eat Scooby snacks?
How did you know that’s what I use to eat away the pain?
When you stop caring you just stop noticing.
True. Like Howard Roark, “But I don’t think of you.”
Reblogged this on RhetoricalCocktail.co.uk and commented:
Read it a day too late! Gotta agree with the “stay in” point! You could include “Don’t log onto Facebook today” because all the love shared on walls and statuses between your coupled friends and their lovers will make you want to pour bleach in your eyes!
Haha. I know! So many pictures of diamonds and necklaces and statuses about trips to Hawaii. The worst.
Here’s to burning love poems whilst cackling!! I’ll have to put that on my list for tomorrow! The best valentine-themed post I’ve read thus far, congrats on Fresh Pressed!!!
A bit of maniacal cackling is always good for the soul!
Hilarious and congrats on getting freshly pressed.
Hilarious, as always! Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed again! (…So very, very jealous right now.) 😉
Haha. Well, jealousy is one of the main tenets of Valentine’s Day, so I guess I’m just conforming to tradition?
Now that’s a guide!! :DD
I laughed my heart out through some of these. Very creative, i have to admit :))
http://dressupforme.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/under-the-red-label-love/
CLEVER POST, NOTED!
Nice post. I completely forgot about this day.
just woke up and wtf…
funny.. I never had to pass through that… even thou I’m a weirdo..
Ah, to forget. That sounds like a nice way to deal with it haha.
Thanks! Awww…
Reblogged this on Hiding Behind Burning Papers and commented:
I should have seen this post earlier.
The best list of do’s and dont’s ever……….u rock weirdy 🙂
Haha. Weirdy. I like it!
If you can check out my posts and let me know how u like them..:)
http://shimmeshine.wordpress.com/2012/02/28/jack-in-the-box/
I did the bath thing. I have very happy pores.
I think I got my hooch recipe wrong. It was a lot stronger than I expected, and my pores ended up just a little too happy.
Good tip on not leaving the house. Yesterday, for some reason I noticed all the ‘couples’ out in the streets – both the real ones (holding hands, gloating at their own lovey dovey relationship) and the fake ones, where two people were just walking next to one-another, with no apparent valentine’s connection! Valentine paranoia right there.
Massive congratulations on hitting Freshly pressed!
Haha. That’s great. It’s like playing that game where you make up life stories for the people that walk by, only this time you make up relationship stories. I’ll have to try that!
Ha ha, loved reading a guys take on Valentine’s Day. And they say it’s a girls day.
Don’t worry, we’re plenty neurotic! And I think we have an emotion or two here and there, you know, sporadically.
Reblogged this on Schizoid Lawi and commented:
🙂 This post is Magnanimously Funny and Informative 🙂
This is spot on, I particularly like the bit on moving around the house in underwear. It is the privilege of being single.
Right? I spend most of the day in my underwear, drinking booze and coffee. Ah, the life of a so-called “writer.”
A best thing of life is mutual understanding ………………..
I’m not quite sure I get what you’re saying.
😉
Haha amazing you got Freshly Pressed again! 🙂 Someone somewhere really likes you two! Who am I kidding, a lot of people really like you!
Nice post!
Aww, yay! I’m starting to think I have some secret connection to the wordpress folk. Who knows?
Reblogged this on Preconscious and commented:
Epic.
definately had to reblog this…utterly true and funny 🙂
http://schizoidlawi.wordpress.com/2012/02/15/703/
Loved this. Valentine’s Day is my birthday, and over the years, if I didn’t have a date, I’d be alone. All my friends would be with their dates, so I get this blog! Trust me lol
val
http://valentinedefrancis.wordpress.com
Oh man, that’s such a bummer (and tough for anyone you end up dating!).
Reblogged this on Anubhavsaini's Blog and commented:
This is quite something. Love the images. Not to mention perfect timing.
And oh, re-blogging.(whatever that means)
Reblogging must mean something, and I think I like the sound of it. Good work!
I loved this! But I did have to leave my flat yesterday… to play the harp at a romantic restaurant! Single girl’s Valentine nightmare? nahhh it was fine!
Haha. Oh man, that sounds rough. I like your upbeat attitude though! I had to leave my apartment to go buy flowers for my friend’s girlfriend because he was out of town. That was pretty uncomfortable, getting dirty looks from people who thought I was happily celebrating my loveship.
This is hilarious but nice list. I love the “Do send yourself flowers” but “Don’t tell anyone.” LOL. I also don’t celebrate Valentines. This is also a “Normal Day Day” to me.
I hope it went well for you! I know I kept all of my embarrassing actions a secret!
The Normal Day Day was really just normal. I just work smarter (not harder. 🙂 ) on that day. And I just bought home a box of pizza to my parents- they are my “date” on Normal Day. LOL Well I read your post too late. I would have sent myself flowers had I read it before that day. haha… 🙂
I think sending yourself flowers is even more acceptable if you charge it to an ex’s credit card. What with internet shopping that only requires you enter the card number… which you just happen to have kept in a notebook. 🙂 Better make that two dozen roses.
Congrats on the freshly pressed! I love your pics 🙂
Brilliant! Now all I need to do is go find myself a girl, do a little bit of thiefing, then end things. It’s the perfect plan!
I like it!! Congrats!
Have a look at this: http://youtu.be/d9EgggNbqDc
Feel free to send it on!
Veronika
Thank you very much. Those are great ideas 😉
No problem! Though I think we may need to discuss your definition of “great.” Haha.
great: awesome, very very good… so on, so on… XD
Very good blog 😉
Reblogged this on Life is Damn Good and commented:
An After-Valentine Repost
Reblogged this on ♥ Thaanie Cheesepuff ♥.
Anyone who likes this, perhaps have a view of one of my latest articles! feedback welcome! http://scribingsfromvenus.wordpress.com/2012/01/16/how-to-become-the-anti-bridget-jones-and-love-it/ x
How about make facebook account for my doll? =u=
I like making facebook account for cat and spend some quality times with favorite toys points
I’m inclined to think that doll accounts are just as good, though I can’t recommend them personally. Ever since Talking Tina, I’ve avoided them as best I could.
You are one brilliant fellow! But I forgot to follow one…I composed a poem…Oopps!!!
Oh no! Not more poetry! The one I wrote is bad enough. Well, yours is probably much better, so maybe you’re improving the world.
Truth be told, I actually wrote a love poem, myself. Didn’t compose it, but wrote it. My friend was out of town and asked me to deliver it to his girlfriend. It was an interesting experience.
hahaha enjoyed every word of this
Woohoo! I’ve always thought I could put a particularly entertaining spin on “the” and “do.” 😉 Glad you liked it!
Hahaha! This was hilarious!
Eating away the pain really does it for me 🙂
Me too, but then I end up with different kinds of pain, usually of the stomach and heartburn variety. Still, so worth it.
Guess I never had that much of pain that I needed to each that much I ended up with different kinds of pain.. Lucky me 😛
Well, I’m sure this made many singles out there happy! Funny post. I adore your drawings.
http://indiraadams.wordpress.com
It was up to us to bring some joy to the poor single folk. And yeah, Sam is the bestest artist. I ❤ him.
ahahhaaa. this gives me a helluva laugh 😀
That really is one helluva laugh you got there! “ahahhaaa!” Glad you liked it!
Very funny! 🙂
I’ll make sure my single friends read this in time for next V’day!
Excellent! With any luck, I won’t need to refer back to this next year!
So funny, thanks for brightening up my day.
Just for the record though, you can still have a crappy Valentine’s Day even if you are in a relationship… expectations, disappointments, where are my flowers???, etc….
Haha. Ah, expectations, the ultimate enemy. I have the same problem when it comes to my relationship with movies. Oh well!
Very funny! I like this list! Hope you had a happy valentine’s day!
I did! This whole blog thing went pretty well that day 🙂 Hope yours was good too!
This completely cracks me up! Laughing so hard I’m snorting. Happy heart day, every day, friend.
I love snort-laughs! Woohoo. I’ve achieved my goal of inducing them. Happy 2 days after heart day to you!
That was a great post, my favorite of February by far!!
Cheers
~Ron
Thanks Ron! Reminds me of the Simpsons. Bart: “This is the worst day of my life.” Homer, reassuringly: “Worst day of your life so far!”
Cracked me up ! 😀
Oh no, I’m so sorry! I’ll go get the king’s horses and men and see if they can fix you.
This is TOO funny! I always liked V-day when I was single…I partied with my ladies!
Too funny? Oh dear. I’ll try to scale it back next time 😉 I keep trying to party on ladies with Valentine’s day, but it keeps not working.
I did get me flowers! And my room looks happy and bright now:)
Congrats! I didn’t manage to get myself flowers, but I did get air freshener, so that still helps the room.
This was hilarious!
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Reblogged this on Modern Soliloquy and commented:
I approve of this article fully.
FULL approval?! I’ve never had that much before!
this is great!!! kinda admit i needed this on that awful day!!
im kinda new to this so im trying to promote my blogging….could you possibly take a look at mine and give some advise on how to make it really good? cheers :L
Seems like a good start so far! I don’t know that there’s any specific formula. (Note: Am currently working on discovering specific formula, and once I do, the blogosphere will be MINE! But I’ll let you in on it too.)
hahah ok deal….but still dont understand why YOU are working on this formula when clearly ur probs light years ahead of everyone else lol ! 😀 then again….blog domination does sound quite tempting 😉
This was awesome. I walked around yesterday wishing everyone a Happy Single Awareness Day. It made me feel much better 🙂
i think i’ll try that next year :L
I think I’ll try it on random days throughout the year and try to take pictures of people’s confusion. Then pictures of their anger at being photographed.
haha….just make sure ur lense doesnt break!
this is hilarious yet thoughtful haha(:
i seriously think all you need to do is just don’t step outside.. It seems like three quarters the population of mankind is in a relationship!
You’ll see that guy standing in the train with a pink plastic bag clutching a bunch of roses and that girl whose smiling ear to ear with that dainty sunflower in her hand.beautiful yet saddening haha
Beautiful yet saddening. My words exactly. I need to step outside and corner the 25% not in a relationship. Or maybe the 12.5% who’s both female and relationshipless. Or I could just enter the lottery.
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My Valentine of 31 years, Monica, died Sept. 27, 2010, almost seven years to the day from her double-lung transplant surgery at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center. So I have been single since her passing, and even moved to Vermont, her home state, to start anew. It’s not easy.
Hahaha, love this!
Wooooow, this is so true, and awesome illustrations. It’s also so similar to my ‘Alternative ideas’ Valentine’s blog it’s scary! We so know how to flip the bird to Valentine’s day, with style, baths and nudity.
http://cloudcorinne.wordpress.com/2012/02/09/call-the-valentines-samaritans/
I mean even the Notebook thing, I’m a little freaked out!
Haha wow! So much alignment! I like the Star Wars references. That would’ve been my second choice after Spartacus. Hope you strutted some good nudity.
Also, how good was the Muppets movie?! Despite being a 24-year-old male frat guy, I loved it.
http://thenickelscreen.com/2011/12/05/the-muppets-kidnap-our-hearts/
Loved. It. I just read your film blog, hello, following that as well. Luckily for my sister and I there were tons of people of our age in there! A big highlight for me was the ‘Are you a Muppet or a Man’ duet, and Sheldon Cooper showing up in the mirror haha. Gold!
I know. Best cameo over!
Reblogged this on Line Press'er and commented:
The very first interesting Reblogged post.
Is it sad that I’m proud of myself for having followed the list fairly well before having ever read it? Somehow I feel…validated.
Thanks for that!
You clearly have a great deal of sense! Glad we could validate! Unlike that stupid movie theater with the overpriced parking structure. *shakes fist*
Reblogged this on k4kamal.
This was great!
P.S. English majors are the best lovers.
I completely agree. I keep telling that to the girls I meet, but they seem to think that’s an inappropriate segue after “Hi.”
I have the same issue. Women find the word lovers is too strong, perhaps. Even if it is the truth.
Extremely well done…Thanks for laugh
No problem! I find that laughter is the best medicine…for loneliness?
Reblogged this on Gnu Glasses and commented:
I don’t usually “re-blog” other people’s writing, but I’ve decided to share this one from reasonablyludicrous.com. It may be a day late but still worth a read. Enjoy!!
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Reblogged this on Writings and Musings of a Nerdfighter and commented:
A very funny post with ideas for a fun stag Valentine’s Day.
i love this it made me laugh so hard
Yessss. Hard is the best kind of laughter!
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Could not stop laughing, great post!
Note: If laughter persists for more than 4-6 hours, consult a doctor. Second note: I often pretend to be a doctor for laughs, so feel free to contact me.
Third note: See what I did there? “Doctor for laughs.” Bahahaha!
This is full of awesome. Rest assured, I won’t be watching ‘The Notebook’ next year!
Haha. I guess the awesome came too late. I hope Noah and Allie’s extreme romance didn’t get to you too much.
My question:
How in the world have I missed this blog???
I was crying reading this! Tears of hilarity, of “too-trueness,” of “Wow, that’s happened to me” and more…this needed to be Pressed. Awesome stuff!
http://tr4f.wordpress.com
Wow, that’s a lot of tears! And such a variety as well. Most of my tears come when characters die at the end of movies. Or when Hiccup’s dad has a change of heart and saves Toothless from the sinking ship. Or when I see cute animals videos. Oh man, I cry more often than I realized.
Reblogged this on 21st century-style idealism and commented:
Well, Valentine’s Day has passed, but this is simply too weirdish-geekish-wonderfully funny not to reblog. Enjoy, folks!
Weirdish and geekish are too of the better ways my writing has been described. Those highly literary creative writing classes at Stanford didn’t think very highly of it haha.
Stanford? Just a bit envious of you right now 🙂 I’ll surely be dropping by your little corner of the blogosphere again.
Haha, I’m happy most of the time, even on Valentine’s Day though I’m single.
Though I often times yearn for someone, the freedom of being single makes it worth it…………………..for now lol.
For now! Haha. Don’t tell anyone, but I’m happy most of the time too (I just have to pretend to have pain in order to be inspired as a writer)
I absolutely love this!!! 😀
Reblogging it! 🙂
Reblogged this on Festival King and commented:
Wish I had seen this a few days before Valentine’s Day :D… TOTALLY HILARIOUS when you think about it 😉
Woooo! I like when people like things!
Reblogged this on rntomlinson.
Reblogged this on botanicart and commented:
I know Valentine’s Day passed but this is pretty funny!!!! Gotta read it!!! 🙂
I loved it!! Happy Wednesday!!
And now I must wish you a Happy Thursday! Ah, how time flies.
Indeed!!
It must be hard work answering more than 500 comments!!!
I´ll have a look around (I´m quite a begginer in this little “blog” world…)
Love it- this is brilliant!
I think making a Facebook page for your cat might ensure your single status for quite some time to come.
Look it might be different for men, but let’s face it, nobody loves a crazy cat lady and thus many of us spend our whole lives trying to hide the fact that we are just that indeed.
Haha. I’m hoping that for guys it makes us “sensitive” and “able to care for something without it dying,” you know, as long as they don’t figure out we keep replacing the cat whenever it–
well, nevermind about that.
(In all honesty, I’m dying for when I finally move into a place that allows me to have a kitten.)
Yeah they do brighten up your life. Truth be told I have friends that have FB pages for their pets and the thought did once cross my mind but they already know I’m a crazy cat young cat lady, fixing on being a cray old cat lady in about 40 years so I decided against it.
As for if you’re looking for bonus points on keeping things alive and showing your softer side, I’d just put pics of your cat on your own page… you get more credit if they know it’s your cat. Lastly pic a plain coloured cat, patterned cats are too hard to replace convincingly (mine are grey and brown)… my nan still calls my cat Ollie (the brown cat I had when I was a little kid) but that could be senility.
A here I present my crazy credentials (yes that is on FB)
So having one post Freshly Pressed already wasn’t enough? You guys are such overachievers! 😉
Congrats!
Overachievers is such a loaded word. I prefer, “you guys are so greedy.” 😉
But thanks! We’ve been taught to be overachievers in our ridiculous school setting, so I blame those professor people.
This was great. Just great.
JUST great? Dang. 😉
Glad you enjoyed it!
A very nice, comedic piece that could actually help a lot of people out. Valentine’s was clearly invented by a couple (yeah there’s some silly St. Valentine story, but this couple probably made that up too) just for other couples. People do crazy things when they’re “in love” and one of those is make themselves feel better and single people feel worse.
Haha. Ah, love. Is there anything it can’t conquer? Including single people’s feelings?
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I went to the movies with my teddy bear and cat.
just kidding . . I didn’t go to the movies and I don’t have a cat or a teddy bear. *sigh*
No teddy bear OR cat?! Ee gods! At least I have my stuffed pokemon.
The cartoons alone make this article worth being Freshly Pressed! A funny read.
AMAZING.
GRACE
so sweet….
Your stuffed animal drawings remind me of the old children’s book Corduroy the Bear, I got all fuzzy! I do realize this has nothing to do with the actual blog but I appreciate your artistic style.
I loved that book! Haven’t thought about it in so long. Yay for fuzziness!
LOL THIS IS SOOOOO GREAT!!!!! – One of the things I do every valentines day is bake myself a really decadent cake. All for me. 😀
Oh man. I could totally go for some cake. So doing that next year!
Reblogged this on The Devil's Workshop and commented:
One fantastic post!
Epic post! Your pictures and poem are absolutely hillarious and brilliant…
I see what you did there…
Woohoo! Sam’s such a good art-creation man. And I do like to dabble in poetry. Glad you liked it!
Loved it! It is exactly what I did on Valentines Day.
It’s good to know that other people celebrate the way I do. Do you also like to dip your feet in wax on St. Patrick’s Day? That’d be way too much of a coincidence.
(Note: I think this is officially my weirdest comment response)
I have not done that for St. Patrick’s Day before! That is a very lets say….interesting tradition.
Reblogged this on thesmilethathidesamilliontears and commented:
Found this and it basically describes how I spent Valentines Day. I laughed a lot reading this. Hope you do as well.
Very interesting, and funny! 🙂
Interesting AND funny?! Oh yeah! The one-two combo.
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This was hilarious! Thanks for sharing!
PERFECTION!! Thanks for a great post! 🙂
This is my second posting on this blog posting. Wow….”Freshly Pressed” finally selected a Poetry Blog. It was long overdue. Especially since this media has such a huge world following of those who write and read poetry. Do you know the bible was orginally written in a poetry form? I have been doing WordPress for about five years now and this is the first time I have ever observed a poetry choice on “Freshly Pressed.” Whether mine is ever chosen is of no importance to me (currently over 21,000 hits) but I for one, would like to see more poetry sites selected under “Freshly Pressed.”
This is hilarious! I think my favorite is the one of the guy looking through the scrapbook naked, and I think that all of these are great points for surviving Valentine’s Day single. Especially the part about drinking, drinking definitely makes you invincible!
Right? Though for me, I only become invisible for a few hours, and then in the morning I’m more frail than ever before!
Happy Normal Day Day! love this! Great illustrations also. Are you the illustrator?
If only I had those sort of illustrative skills! But alas, my good friend Sam is the illustrator. I’m so jealous of that guy. He’s got all sorts of talent! (Artist, Singer, Writer, Lover, the list goes on)
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This is amazing and I love your illustrations. Off to send the link to all my single friends. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
Thanks! As long as your sending things to your single friends, feel free to give them Sam or my contact information 🙂
Actually, I’m not sure how Sam’s beau would feel about that…
My Valentine’s Day: bought myself chocolates, threw out photos of my ex, and watched Braveheart…in my underwear.
Awesome post!! Love the illustrations!
Oh man. That sounds awesome. I wish I’d had some photos of my ex to throw out!
It was awesome.
Also, crude sketches drawn in MS Paint also work just as well.
This was awesome! Not that I needed it but it was a great guide 🙂 I treated valentines day as any normal day and made it all about me 🙂 I love being single!
Being single really is a lot of fun! I’ve been making sure to enjoy it!
Good for you Russ! I support you 100%!
It keeps amazing me how we all keep acting a certain way on day’s someone ever decided they are important (christmas, halloween valentine, easter..) when they’re not.
But what really amazes me is that you comment back on almost every comment, Russ.
Nice post though.
Blog of love
Haha. It’s been a task, let me tell you. But I’m just so excited that so many people found something in the post humorous! (or in rare circumstances useful?)
I like Valentines Day because it’s so easy to hook up with attractive people who desperately wish they were in a relationship.
Haha. Awesome post. I didn’t do the naked part or the drinking… or make a FB account for my cat… which I don’t have. But everything else sounds just about right.
hahahaha….a really useful post for singles.. lol…you are cool buddy.. loved reading your post.
This is hilarious enough to make me VERY glad I’m no longer single.
One word : AWESOME.
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHA This post is an ant hill!!! I can’t stop laughing. Made my day! THanks so much! ^^
Funny. Personally I think V day is way overdone. It’s been commercialised like every other holiday. There is no way that if I was single on V day that I would feel badly about myself anyway;)
Funny enough – these are things I’ve learned to do on my own, I’m glad I’m not the only intelligent single awareness day practitioner out there 😉
thanks for the laughs and the validation of my approach to this horrible day.
Kumatedo
Reblogged this on sleekelsie and commented:
Dating trauma
Haha, love it! May I may a humble suggestion? How about we rename V-Day to “Wine Day” and celebrate wine on 14 February instead? I mean, Bulgarians have been doing it for centuries. Smart people, even if I do say so myself, though not quite up to speed on their myth-making either. You’ll admit Wine Day certainly fits well into your suggested roster of festive activities. Congratulations on your second FP honour and may I say, well- deserved!
Assia
Well put! I think most of those things anyway, and I’m married!! Loved it!
Hysterical! Be aware of drinking too much liquor. It might release painful childhood memories of abandonment or unrequited love; leading to pathetic status updates, texts and tear stained phone calls to your friends, who are too busy wallowing in their own self-pity or on dates.
“You and 747 bloggers liked this post” I don’t feel so lonely now 😀
Thanks for the extremely awesome post!!!
Being new to Word Press i only just came across your blog but I thought this was a brilliant post. I genuinely do believe that February 14th is a date to be celebrated though, for it was on this fateful day in 1970 that Simon Pegg was thrust into our world and for that I am exceptionally grateful. Happy Belated Birthday Simon Pegg!
If you are going to be single… do it well! Chances are you won’t be doing it for very long. Enjoy!
I ❤ this! 😀
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Hey Russ – GREAT post 🙂 I googled ‘why is VD sad?’ & got this. Well done!
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Russ & Sam – I couldn’t help but link this to one of my articles! Check your stats and let me know if Examiner.com drives any attention your way (I hope it does – you guys make me smile!)
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Brilliant – sad and single clearly isn’t that bad:)
I just refound this, and laughed so hard that I cried because everything is still 500% true.
Yaaaay! As long as I’m making people cry, I’m one step closer to world domination!