I have food poisoning. Which is all well and good except for the fact that it poisons not just my stomach, but my inspiration. As we all know, inspiration is the sous-chef of humor, and when the sous-chef eats a morsel of toxic orange chicken, the kitchen of hilarity is reduced to shambles, forced to serve second-rate blog dishes peppered with metaphoric excuses rather than jokes.
That’s why this week, instead of pulling the usual all-nighter to perfect something hilarious, we’re going to simply do a bit of housekeeping. I apologize for the lack of entertainment, but if you want a villain to blame, choose Panda Express.
Keep in mind that any laughter you may experience during this poison-addled post is purely incidental. However, if you need someone to lie on a couch moaning incessantly, or if by chance you have an excess of saltine crackers and no idea what to do with them, then I’m your man.
Now, onto the housekeeping. Firstly, we’ve won a few more awards over the past weeks, but until recently, I’ve been road tripping, and have had little time to consider addressing them in Thursday posts. Even squeaking out our usual Tuesday affair was a bit of a challenge, but at least I made friends with a lot of hotel night clerks who wondered why I was up until 6 a.m. in their lobbies.
Award Section of Post:
So long Middle School Bowling Champion medal. Move over Little League Sportsmanship trophy. There’s new kids on the block—even if they are inhuman, two-dimensional kids. That’s right; those new virtual children down the street are the Versatile, Liebster, and Kreativ Blog/ger Awards.
I’ve never felt so versatile, having received the award from both the hilarious Live Nerd Repeat and the alliterative Mommy’s Moments. And though I appreciate this symbol of approval, I think there’s been some sort of mistake. Reasonably Ludicrous isn’t particularly versatile. That word brings to mind images of a Swiss Army Knife or an Autobot, or maybe even Sandra Bullock that year she was in The Blind Side and All About Steve.
But so far all of our posts have been some sort of anecdotal story coupled with Sam’s art. Like a palm tree, we haven’t done a lot of branching out.
Then again, maybe I am versatile. I cooked some food one time, and I know how to skimboard. I can take care of cats reasonably well, and I’m pretty good at reading words. Maybe they’re not saying I’m versatile at blogging, but that, because of the stories I’ve told, they can tell I’m a blogger who is versatile: a versatile blogger!
Ah, well, that makes sense. Thanks guys!
As for the Liebster Blog award, Google Translate tells me that “liebster” means “dearest” in German. I guess it’s good to know that Reasonably Ludicrous is someone’s dearest blog, though I’m not sure I trust the superlative nature of this translation. After all, how can we be Live Nerd Repeat’s dearest blog if he gave the award out to seven other people? Seven!
And finally the Kreativ Blogger award, which came from Thoughts from a Jaded Heart. You see, the very title of the award is an example of itself, because they’ve spelled the word “creative” creatively. Very clever, award. Very clever indeed.
Some of these awards require you to share things about yourself. As any of my readers could tell you, this prospect frightens me, for I’ve never really put myself out there on the internet. Even so, I’ll try my best.
1. Once, when I was a baby, my parents spilled spaghetti on my head, scalding it. I think the heat burned the concept of spaghetti into my brain, ’cause I’ve loved it ever since. Science!
2. My favorite book series is George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire, and the fact that the HBO show exists make me unthinkably happy.
3. I have four more things to come up with.
4. I almost got an Astronomy minor, but my brain cannot comprehend standard physics (see # 1). I have no idea how blocks slide on frictionless ramps, and springs remain mysterious forces of chaos.
5. My family used to own a pet chicken. It was evil, and its favorite activity was the pecking of humans. That being said, at least it never gave me food poisoning.
6. After some deliberation, I have decided that I dislike food poisoning.
7. I once beat a chess FIDE master, but he was only 15 and I don’t think he was paying much attention. It was during lunch break and he was playing a lot of games at once.
We’re supposed to pass this award on to 15 other blogs, but in the name of being miserly and having already awarded most of our favorite blogs, and in an effort to slow down the rapid spread of this rather positive chain-awarding, we’ll just link back to our last two acceptance posts. Check out the blogs we nominated those times. They’re awesome!
Other housekeeping!
If you like to read Reasonably Ludicrous things, we’ve added an FAQ, which should provide not only sagacious insight, but mild question and answer–based entertainment as well.
I also created a Store page with descriptions so amusing that you may be tricked into buying something. But seriously, I’m not even trying to hawk merchandise at you. I’m just kind of proud of the write-ups.
In messing around with wordpress options, I seem to have accidentally created a Gallery of my favorite artwork of Sam’s. I’m not sure what it accomplishes really, but I like looking at it.
On the right-hand sidebar, I’ve added a new links section with just one thing. It’s a video my friend made, parodying the lyrics of party rock anthem via the glory of MS Paint. I think it’s pretty awesome.
Until next time, this is Reasonably Ludicrous, signing out!
Stay tuned for next week, in which Russ overcomes his disease and writes something with actual content!
Reasonably Ludicrous 
Congrats!
May you have many more 😉
Thanks! I hope your contest went well!
Uh, Russ, I think he’s referring to bouts of food poisoning, not awards…
I look forward to your blog post every week, and it was nice of you to get us to join you in groaning in agony with those puns! 😉 Oddly enough (and maybe on purpose – who knows?!) the picture following your blurb about being versatile is not visible – but maybe this adds to the incidental humour you were worried about at the beginning of the post. I hope you feel better soon (its a shame you don’t have Sams cast iron constitution) and am looking forward to next week already! thanks
The more groaning and/or agony that I can induce, the better! Things not visible?!?!!! Nooooooooo
Perhaps a different browser?
I’m very impressed that you managed to get a post out while having food poisoning; I’ve had it only once and I wanted to die. That is the worst!! (Just a note – I’m sure your readers would still come back even if you missed a week due to very understandable circumstances. Well, I guess I can only speak for myself but I’m sure they would.) I hope you feel better soon.
I have recovered! But yeah, it was not my favorite experience.
And I appreciate your faith in your fellow readers, but I’m crippled by a fear of the fleeting and fickle nature of fame on the internet. Perhaps even one missed week will see me cast down into anonymity! (I don’t really think that, but I do like to entertain you guys if at all possible)
I wondered where you got to! Get well soon!
I have procured a well, as commanded. Now, what is the next step? Shall I fetch a pale?
I think you are beyond the pale, actually!
You added animation! I’m trying to work on figuring out how to do that, but all the programs hate me. Or maybe I just hate all the programs. It’s probably mutual, actually.
Sam is some sort of sorcerer. He can draw things and animate things and turn people into newts. Well, I’m not sure about the last one. I see you made a nice heart animation. Congrats!
Love the evil panda…mwahahaha! And the Sandra Bullock analogy. Hope you’re feeling better by now…
You love the evil panda?! The villain who struck me down with his tainted meat?
Well, you know the saying: The friend of my enemy is my enemy! Err, something like that.
Hard to click Like on food poisoning. Hope you’re pain is short-lived. California is full of Chinese restaurants. I think they might all be better than Panda Express. From the sound of things, you can’t be too sure your pet chicken didn’t give you food poisoning. 😉
Congratulations on your recognition!
Yeah Panda is pretty much the lowest of the low. And now that I think about it, I never did learn what happened to the evil pet after we released it into the wild. Maybe it’s been deviously plotting to give me food poisoning all along as retribution for its abandonment, and its plan has finally come to fruition.
The lack of humor was certainly obvious… My laughter was completely spontaneous as I read this post. Hope you feel better soon!
I apologize, corlosky. Next week I’ll do better. At least you had spontaneous and unrelated humor. That seems like a plus!
Still hilarious, despite the food poisoning.
You’re too kind. I hope you’re not under the influence of some poison yourself. A kindness poison…
MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP EATING FOOD OF DUBIOUS ORIGINS, BRO! feel better 🙂
I just can’t help myself! And Pete didn’t seem like a dubious origin. I just can’t trust that guy.
What happened to “Captain Steel-Stomach”?!? I think you’re losing your gastronomic edge, Russ…
Haha I agree. I was quickly defeated. Perhaps my boasting has displeased the food gods and they were merely trying to put me in my place.
No…orange…chicken…ever!! Despite the ruthless panda’s subversive efforts, I got a bang out of your post as always — as well as the store and FAQs (which I hadn’t yet looked at). Russ 1, Panda 0.
Wonderful how you integrate pictures and links with your words. Enjoyed it.
Paaaaain! Food poisoning was invented by Satan and is PaaaaaiIIIiin!
The spelling of Kreativ Blogger Award isn’t that creative. Kreativ is how creative is spelled in German.
Anyway, keep up the good work!
I cannot say how sorry your made me feel for Palmy. 😦