Bullet Post 2: Return of the One-Liners

I sort of forgot how writing worked, but Sam has graciously taken it upon himself to retrain me. So far the process is showing promise, but it seems that it may take some time. Meanwhile, this bullet post should go partway to tiding you over, you hungry masses you. Hope you like one-liners!

••••

I thought about finally following my dream and doing stand-up comedy, but I was afraid people would laugh at me.

••••

That job in Human Resources takes on a whole new meaning when your employer is Soylent Green.

••••

I checked into my hotel and ordered some pay-per-view.

The clerk said a balcony was $300, so I just settled for A Room with a View.

••••

••••

I ordered a magazine from Guns & Ammo, but it didn’t fit into my semi-automatic.

••••

One time I lost my feather duster, so I just let my parakeet out of its cage.

After all, would it really want to be trapped in a house with no feather duster?

••••

Visiting the elevator factory was pretty disappointing. I only got one story out of it.

••••

Proverbs:

A hero is a man who is afraid to run away. Or maybe that’s just a misguided coward.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but what are a thousand words worth anyway? In this economy? Not much. Mostly thanks to all those dimwits who keep blogging for free!

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but maybe not three or four. It’s hard to equate really. I bet it’d be worth a lot more if it were some kind of hunting bird that could kill and retrieve the bush birds.

Actions speak louder than words, and the action that speaks the loudest is yelling.

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40 Comments

Filed under Bullet Posts

40 responses to “Bullet Post 2: Return of the One-Liners

  1. But I bet parasailing hippopotomi are worth a pretty penny, which still isn’t very much come to think of it.

  2. After a few of my Chinese ESL students had forgotten to bring pens and paper, I stressed the importance of supplies in the classroom. The next day, they hid behind their desks and jumped out at me.

    Have you given stand up a shot? I can tell you — it’s a rush. Go for it!

    • Hahaha. So ridiculous. I’m just going to cling to the false hope that this is a true story and tell it to all of my friends.

      I’ve never tried stand up. I don’t even know how one goes about it!

      • Do a search for “Open mic comedy (your city name)”, get in contact with whomever runs a show, and he/she’ll most likely get you up!

        And sadly, no. Not a true story. Does that “supplies” you?

  3. Oh how clever the young lot are 😉
    Enjoyed these young man!

  4. Rae

    Can I get that hippo on a t-shirt, please? How on earth did you come up with that?

  5. Hilarious. Should I yell that? HILARIOUS!

    If your 1000 words aren’t earning you anything, perhaps you should get a real writing job 🙂

  6. emjayzed

    I love your blog so I’ve nominated you for the Kreative Blogger Award – congrats! Please visit http://wp.me/p29hz7-8X to collect!

  7. Aja

    Loved them all. I think this post will do for this week. 🙂

  8. How come that none of your one-liners actually fits into one line? Don’t get me wrong, they are still brilliant. Just wondering though…

  9. I recently submitted a joke for a contest hosted by Maybelline. I won liner.

  10. Haha. Love the last one.=)

  11. I almost didn’t believe myself when I found that I’ve been waiting for Tuesday to read a new post…. Is this another kind of addiction? (_ _””)

  12. One-liners are awesome. Almost as awesome as purple hippos, so way to cover all bases, gentlemen. 😀

  13. Soylent Green is people!!! 😀
    Great new post guys, loved pretty much every one of those and am reblogging this as soon as this comment is done!
    (Bonus: saves me coming up with a post for today!)

  14. Reblogged this on Anansi's Web – The Pub at the corner of "No" & "Where" and commented:
    This duo never ceases to amuse and this is one of their funniest yet!

  15. I always find my feather duster the moment my parakeet soars to freedom. Just the worst.

  16. Is it okay if I laugh at you? 😉

  17. I don’t want to have a purpose. I am not a tool.

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